It has been over 2 months since Daddy and I have engaged in any S&M play of any kind. With getting ready to move, moving, money struggles, etc. things have been rough. Our sex life turned almost non-existent with each other (of course my back tweak followed by my slip in ice thus killing my neck for days on end didn't help at all).
I was reading posts on Fetlife.com today about safewords. We do have one in place, but I want to eliminate it. I want to spend a night with Daddy of dirty debauchery and pain play. I want him to grab me by the hair, push me to the ground and step on my neck as he tells me what a dirty cunt I am and that he is going to use me and doesn't give a fuck what I say or want. I want him to use me as an object for his pleasure. Piss on me, tie me up, beat my ass black and blue, fuck my throat until I puke-- whatever he wants. This is what I would like to be able to do for him.
I don't know if this is something that I need to be worked into, or just accept and take it. I am not too good at processing and accepting pain. At least not lately. Maybe if I were tied down with no option it might be different, I don't know. I just want to be able to be for my Daddy what he wants me to be.
It may take time, or I may just have to suck it up and deal with it. Either way, I want to go there.
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